


It'll be alright

by yssanne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean POV, Ficlet, M/M, Season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-22 21:18:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2522132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yssanne/pseuds/yssanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's saying goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It'll be alright

Just keep breathing, baby, and try not to be angry with me too much.

Soon I’m gonna leave you, Sammy, and it’ll be the hardest thing I’ll ever do. Not because I’ve suddenly decided I love life and can’t stand to part with it, but the idea of leaving you… I hate myself for it.

You do know I don’t want to go, don’t you?

What else could I do? Leave you lying in that cold, sticky mud or on that ratty bed, for all the world looking as if you were only sleeping? No. You know I could never do that. But hell, this is a good way to go, as far as I’m concerned. Better than some others would be, for sure. At least I’m leaving you as safe as possible, you have our home and everything. Start again.

Keep breathing, baby, and start again far from this whole mess.

I will scream for you, though, when they carve me out and there’s nothing left, I will scream your name and it’ll hurt you a thousand times worse, every imagined moment of it. So don’t do it.

Hate me. For a moment, I too did hate you when you closed your eyes.

Just keep breathing.

Our years were too short, that I’ll admit, too short and bitter as any winter day, but i wouldn’t have a day more alone. You’re meant for more, my Sammy, way more than this. I, if I’d stayed, it’d be all the same, cheap motels and cheap whiskey and days missing your warmth both in bed and riding shotgun, all the way until I someday finally bought the farm. For nothing and nobody.

But when you left us for Stanford, for months I had the urge to just brag to everyone that my brother (my everything) is going to be a lawyer, fix this world up a bit the way you just can’t do with guns and blades. I swallowed all my hurt and loneliness, let it be swept away by pride I felt for you and kept walking.

So you do the same.

Sammy, I’m gonna leave you soon.

Be proud of me and keep walking.

Know that I love you, now as much as ever, and keep breathing.

One day it’ll be alright.

 


End file.
